又是杂乱无章的一天。

 

只是想出去，逃离宿舍。每个人都有在忙的事，我为什么空着，我应该做点什么？我也想有个老板，在我穿好衣服打算去逛街时突然电话叫我加班；我也想有个朋友，没理由没借口的拖我出去散心；我也想有个爱人，抓紧毕业前最后一点时间营造二人世界。

==============================================================

昨天的瓢泼雷阵雨，有点淋醒了我，所有的事情都想开了，closure。石头的分析，给我乱糟糟的脑袋理出了头绪，不就是这样么，猜来猜去，吵来吵去，苦了这一年，到了这个地步了，还能怎么样。一切就随着毕业消散吧，一段荒唐的故事。

 

哈哈，生活真是个大笑话啊，就在我刚刚摆脱了阴影时，somebody just throw another bomb to me。

speechless，只想找个地方痛痛快快的笑一场，哈哈哈，真的太好笑了，笑得我喘不过气……

绕了这么大个圈子，原来就是这么回事。你要你就拿，难道还要我去拿给你么。我也觉得是我自作孽，明明已经猜到了，还非要逼问出来，非要亲自听到这个名字，可是真的坦白后，我又不知道该怎么处理。笑啊，笑死我了，生活太他妈的搞笑了。

我也不知道为什么，为什么就非要亲耳听到，我到底是怎么想的？本以为自己的态度很明确，想的很清楚，可是仿佛又模糊了；仔细想了想这几个月发生的每件事，越来越糊涂了，没有头没有尾，没有经过……

反正快离开了，一切随缘吧，或许就gone with the wind了呢。

但有的人我是没法坦诚面对了，我真的是个小心眼儿的人。

或许应了这话了：远离天蝎，珍惜生命？？

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈……我笑死在北京的雷阵雨中。

==================================================================

 

下午，和马凯出去照相。睡到实在睡不着，短信把他揪出来，拎着学士服就冲进了即将下雨的闷热高温中。

故意没带伞。他说很快就会下雨，让我回去取伞，我懒得折腾，而且想体会下雨中穿着学士服到处乱跑的畅快。他也没再坚持，由着我胡闹了。果真，没几分钟就淅淅沥沥的下开了。

波波跑来送碟，白痴分不清东南门和东门，白白的跑到东南门没接到他，回来时，马凯身边多了一个人。看到刘浠，我也没啥大反应，后来他解释是为了借把伞才叫她的。我真的没啥反应，只是在想着波波这个白痴跑到哪里去了。

和马凯摆好了pose站在雨中喷泉前照相时，突然面前伸出一张碟，波波驾临了。于是拉着他一起合了影。和波波一块儿照相就放得开的多，很自然的贴在一起，他把胳膊搭我肩上。波波很快就走了，马凯突然问我：他是你男朋友？。哈哈，好笑，他要是知道波波是网友不知会是什么表情。我说不是啊！就是我同学。他说：那怎么把胳膊搭你肩上啊？我笑了下，没理他，心里嘟囔了一句：typical ！……接下来又转战绿园晨读园，把各处石头雕塑拍了个遍，他也终于小心翼翼的把胳膊搭在我肩上合影。我在心里冷笑，两年前你要是有这个勇气，我可能就不会走上弯路。ok，弯路，哈哈，还真是对，弯路。

其实对他把刘浠叫来还是有些介意的，只是我不肯承认。他又问我还和张振华有联系没有，我表示我的世界里这个人已经失踪了。不知他怎么想的，总是问我张振华张振华，哼哼，幸好还有点自知之明，没敢提莫晗。其实真的忍不住想告诉他，电视台对我来说只是一个学期的噩梦，里面的人，我都已经忘了，没忘了你，是因为当年的擦肩而过，我还是有些许遗憾的，错的时间错的人，我也没办法了。

晚饭还是他买的，我吃的很少，没胃口。

================================================================

 

 

 

 

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit
it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

 

Remember today

everything goes to the end

from the heaven I fall down to the hell

broke the wings I pretend I have

everyone's leaving me

everyone's yelling

everything's fucked up

 

just give me one good reason to stay alive

fade to black